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FULL FLOURISHING
AND
THE FULL FLOURISHING FORMULA

I began as a total outsider, like someone who has just landed in a strange country. I had heard of Freud - he was widely denigrated - but I had never read any Freud. Then there were words like Gestalt therapy, bioenergetics, psychoanalysis, behavior modification, Alcoholics Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, shiatsu, drama therapy, dance therapy, art therapy, dream work. There was not only Freud, but Jung, Winnicott, Karen Horney, Christopher Bollas. Then there was the New Age Movement with the Law of Attraction. Also mindfulness and meditation. Plus tapping, meaning tapping on acupressure points to release trapped emotions.

What to do with all this? I did a lot of learning, tried many of the methods. I gained. I stalled. I took time off. I went back to exploring - because I have kept feeling: there's more for me, for my life.

I came to realize that self-exploration is an ongoing thing, at least for me.

I developed a college course: Knowing the Inner Self, in which students learned about a whole range of personal development approaches. I taught it for about fifteen years.

One thing became increasingly clear to me. While I appreciated many of the models of personal development, none of them felt complete to me.

What to do?

I approached a couple of well-known individuals whose approaches I thought had a lot of good stuff. I praised the good stuff, and went on: There's stuff missing. I wrote to them about what it was. I followed up.

I was not trying to keep my insights to myself. I wanted to share them.

The response, in general: utter silence. No one was interested in adding what I saw as missing. In fact, it was as if I had not spoken.

That left me with only one option: DIY. Do It Yourself.

And that's how Full Flourishing came to be.

WHAT DO I HOLD
IS MISSING?

The first thing that struck me as missing:
an absence of adequate emphasis - often, of any emphasis - on GODO THINKING.

I love and value being emotionally healthy, having access to our full range of emotions. This is valued by just about everyone in the personal development movement. Out with repressed emotions and repressed memories, out with unresolved guilt and shame, with buried love and hate. I am with all that.

I also love and value thinking, the capacity to take in information, to evaluate it, to compare it with other fact claims, to reason, to be logical.

But the value of developing our capacity to think is often entirely overlooked in the personal development movement.

My position: to have an undeveloped thinking side is just limiting as to have an undeveloped emotional side. We're all aware, for instance, of the huge conflicts where people cannot think, instead erupt and cut off from any information they don't agree with, and from anyone who disagrees with them.

How do we evaluate the different fact claims? It helps to be able to think well, as well as to feel. In fact, it's essential to be able to think well - including to think about any personal irrational responses.

Often blatantly missing:
attention to PERCEIVING ACCURATELY.

Not missing: attention to having a vision of what we would love to have.

My position is that it's fabulous - as in the New Age approaches - to have such a vision.

My position is also that it is at least equally important to be able to perceive what is going on.

I remember being very impressed by Laurence Gonzales' 12 Rules for Survival. He came to them through his research into survivors of extremely dangerous situations. The first of the rules: perceive and believe. In his experience of researching survivors of such situations, he found that the capacity to perceive and believe was the first rule of survival.

Yet the importance of perception is omitted in many current personal development approaches. In fact perception itself is often denigrated. What is real is often presented as not really "true" (whatever that means). Facts are frequently dismissed. Yes, one should acknowledge them, but one shouldn't dwell on them. Something was more important: truth.

I would gnash my teeth, except that it's a fact that teeth-gnashing is unhealthy for the teeth.

By the way, how importance is being able to perceive? My position is that anyone who was perceiving information accurately was aware of the dangers of the shots and, if at all possible, did not take them.

(By the way, it isn't a matter of NO perceptions being validated. Survivors of sexual abuse are to be believed - unless, for instance, the abuser is Muslim and the victim is white, as in the UK rape gangs where the perpetrators were overwhelmingly Muslim and the victims overwhelmingly poor white girls. One gets into lots of complexities here.)

Frequently also missing:
attention to the importance of SOCIAL INVOLVEMENT.

I agree with the common stress on the huge importance of close personal connections, on being able to love others and also ourselves.

I also hold that, to be fully flourishing adults, we need to also be aware of and taking part in the larger social world.

A quote from Plato (from about 2500 years ago) has stayed with me: Anyone who does not take part in the political world is a fool, and will be governed by fools. I believe the impact is often far worse.

The valuing of social involvement ties back to the importance of accurate perception. There are so many people who consider themselves social warriors - like around climate - but are rigid against taking in any information that counters their beliefs (such as that CO2 is beneficial, vs dangerous, to plant growth and thus to the capacity to feed a large population). In other words, to be socially involved in a beneficial way one needs to be able to perceive and, I will add, also to think well.

COMMON SENSE

I see the emphasis on fully flourishing as just common sense. Why have just partial development? It's like doing exercise for only one side of the body.

NEXT:
HOW DOES ONE MOVE TOWARD
FULL FLOURISHING?

So one has a goal: full flourishing.

But how does one head in that direction?

I had looked at enough approaches. I saw that many had valuable aspects - so they offered quite an amazing toolbox.

How to know what to use?

THE FULL FLLOURISHING FORMULA:
ACE - AWARENESS, CARING, ENGAGEMENT

I came to see that I was using a very simple 3-part formula. ACE. Awareness. Caring. Engagement.

First, we're aware that something is bothering us, does not feel right.

Second, we care about it. In other words, it isn't the thing in itself, but our response that matters. Two people can be the same size and weight. One of them may be happy about it, and the other person totally miserable. In one society, expressing outrage is something to be proud of. In another, it's something to be ashamed of.

Third, we engage, drawing on the strategies in our toolbox. We try to do something about what we don't want. By the time someone looks for help, they have usually done a lot of trying on their own, and it either has not been at all effective, has only been partially effective, or has not been effective long term. In other words, a lack of effective tools.

In my family, my father tried for decades not to get angry. I would also decide, time after time. It did not work, not for him, not for me. He did not believe in getting help. My life took a different turn - or rather, I chose differently.

Fortunately many people do seek help. And if one approach does not work, we often keep looking.

I don't have any set tool. My approach is, with the person, to come to a step small enough that the person is ready to make a commitment to take this step for a week.

In other words, the aim is success. I would rather someone makes the commitment to work on clearing their closet for five minutes a day, and succeeds in doing this - rather than that they commit to doing this for thirty minutes a day, and fail.

They're welcome to continue after the five minutes. But doing it for five minutes counts as 100% success.

Does this strategy work? In my experience, it does. I've included a few testimonials.

There are lots of other strategies that I may suggest, to make it more likely that the person stays with their commitment, but enough for now.

I am remembering driving along a deserted country road. A young man had backed onto a path leading into a field - maybe to try to turn around - and had gotten stuck. He was pressing on the gas, spinning his wheels. He was clearly not going to get out. I stopped, took a look, then volunteered to get in his car, if he would push. He agreed to try this. I got in, rocked the car back, then stepped on the gas. He pushed. The car moved. Within 5 seconds it was on the road.

That's the difference a bit of help can make.

Of course I have no idea if this young man was in the habit of getting himself stuck.

Anyway, for the time, with just a bit of help, he was on the road, waved, called out a thank you, and drove off.

That's the Full Flourishing Formula. He was definitely aware that he was stuck. He definitely cared. Engaging by stepping on the gas was not enough. In fact, his wheels were just churning up mud. The goal: successful engagement.

AFTER THE DISCOVERY CALL

Great if someone is like that young man stuck in the mud, only needing one bit of help. If that's you, the Discovery Call is enough.

Many people want more.

FOUR OPTIONS

Some people prefer to take part in a small group.

Some people know they want one-to-one.

Couples often want couple counseling.

Plus there are packages for people who know they want to deal with something for at least a few months.

That's something that can be looked at, at the end of the Discovery Call.

Chris Zahn

Before I met Elsa, I had wanted to be a writer for years, but I didn't write. With Elsa, with her baby step formula, I started writing.

I also felt disconnected, didn't know anyone else like me, who was questioning things. I was anxious from all the hysteria. I was worried about the future. There was crazy talk about the “New Normal."

I was referred to Elsa and Full Flourishing right then, when I was seeking a like-minded group. I found what I was seeking. A group of thinkers who weren't willing to accept the propaganda we were being spoon fed.

What I found was a group of like-minded people. And I'm connecting with way more like-minded people outside the group.

It has been transformative to work with Elsa and the group. The world had gone insane. Elsa and the group were a breath of sanity.

We learned a lot from each other. I learned much more quickly than I would have on my own.

Elsa and the group are very caring. This encourages engagement. I'm encouraged to engage within my sphere of influence about everything.

I recommend Full Flourishing and Elsa's ACE method (Awareness, Caring, Engagement) for everyone.


Chris Zahn, friendly guy who can't help being logical

________________________

Maria Nardi

Dr. Schieder’s “Getting There From Here” was a wonderful experience for me. Many times, people don’t take initiatives simply because they don’t know what to do or how to start.  

Dr. Schieder has a way of helping people not only define what it is that is holding them back, but she provided a framework for activation and execution of goals.  

Our group meetings were engaging and fun.

It gave me the motivation and support I needed to formulate a plan.

Once I began the process, the stress of feeling static left me and instead I was energized and renewed with a deep sense of purpose.

I highly recommend her program for anyone wishing to take their goals from thoughts to concrete action.


Maria Nardi, software developer

________________________


Mary Andrew

When I came upon Elsa's work, I had been galvanised to protest by the horrific slaughter of children in the Manchester bombing.

But I felt isolated, downcast and daunted by the mountainous size of the problems. 

I have always been utterly anti-racist, but because it involved terrorism, my friends thought I had become a bigot.

I didn't know what to do. 

Elsa's amazing, inspirational work has become a beacon of light to me, and her friendship has furnished me with the encouragement and support (and occasional rap over the knuckles!) which I desperately needed to become tougher, more confident, and much more active.

I no longer feel alone; united we stand! 

Thank you, Elsa, so much for all you have done to embolden me, and nurture my development. I am truly grateful! 

Mary Andrew, working for a voice in mainstream politics

________________________


Jane Bayler

Elsa is a strong and wise leader who has inspired me massively with her commitment to humanity and her powerful leadership.

She is super smart and at the same time very compassionate and caring.

She is utterly dedicated to the advancement of justice and human rights, and ending unnecessary suffering in the world.

Elsa will truly help you to flourish and achieve your full potential both as an individual and in the context of your wider role in society.

I encourage you to engage with Elsa who will help you to flourish fully as a human being and reach your highest potential in terms of the impact you make in the world.


Jane Bayler, entrepreneur, proud cancer survivor, marketer and trainer who helps thought leaders and experts generate impact and authority through their online presence and communications.

________________________


Nicole Davidoff

Elsa is a spiritual healer and a brilliant writer and thinker.

And her music videos are a reminder that there is a beauty in this world too!

She is also for me a pillar of strength and a voice of reason.




Nicole Davidoff, passionate advocate of human rights and freedoms, passionately against any ideology that is totalitarian, cat lover

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